Loser Like Me

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Did you miss me? I took a four week break. I didn’t intend to, I just went on holiday and then forgot to write about stuff. The good news though is that I’m back and I have loads of random stuff to write about! The randomness, however, will have to wait. As will the blog post about how amazing Zac Efron’s new film is. ‘Why?’ I hear you scream… well, for the first time ever I have had a request to write about a topic, and for the first time ever I’m going to respond to that request. Luckily, it’s something I know a little about.

How would your best friend describe you? Would they say that you’re fun? Friendly? A good person to spend time with? Probably. They wouldn’t be your best friend if they didn’t. Would they say you can be boring? Annoying? That you have so many mood swings or spend all your money on pointless things? Probably. They wouldn’t be your best friend if they didn’t.

There is not a person on Earth that we know that we can feel completely positively towards every moment of every day, and that includes ourselves. There are some people we like more than others – a fact of life – and there are some days when we find it easier to see the good in people, but there is always that other side. Much of the time we learn to live with these differences, adapt to them and deal with the conflict that might arise because of them. That’s what any kind of relationship is about. But how do you deal with your relationship with yourself? How do you cope when you begin to feel not-so-crazy about that person you call me?

It’s really easy to compare yourself to others in the 21st century. We are all aware of the problems with body image associated with modern media, and how people’s perception of themselves is being influenced negatively by the pleasing aesthetics of magazine cover-stars and hollywood heartthrobs. But idealising doesn’t stop there, and nor does its dangers. Ever seen someone in the street and wished you looked like them? Ever met someone who comes across so relaxed and comfortable that you can’t help but envy them? Ever wished you could lead the perfect life that you see them living? These are all common feelings, but if you don’t deal with them healthily you can end up putting your self-esteem at risk.

So, what we have so far:

- many of us aren’t entirely happy with who we are
- we wish we could be like other people
- other people wish they could be like us

“Wait, what? No, no, no. That doesn’t apply to me. Nobody wants to be like me.” One of the extraordinary things about people is their ability to create extremes. We find it very hard to accept that life isn’t black and white, but an interesting whirlpool of grey. When you see stuff you don’t like in yourself, it’s very easy to generalise and think of yourself as mostly made up of those aspects. You don’t think to yourself, “well, I’ve got a bit of a temper but I’m really generous so people must like me for that!”. You don’t think, “wow, those people are gonna think I’m really selfish but at least those people will admire how confident I am”. Yet, we don’t hold any of our best friends to these standards. You know your best friend isn’t perfect, but you accept them for all of their good parts. Why can’t we do the same for ourselves?

It’s very hard to instil belief in someone. I believe I am a cool human being. I don’t always know it, but I do always believe it. Many people don’t, yet it is no less true for them than for anybody. You absolutely have to find a way to love yourself for who you are; not just because “nobody will ever love you if you don’t” but because you will never love yourself if you don’t. Loving someone and liking someone are two very different things. You don’t have to like every aspect about your body or your personality in order to love yourself, and other people don’t either. Your brain is a very powerful weapon, and it is so easy to let it work for the worst. Don’t let negative thoughts about how “bad” you are come out on top. Use it to prove to yourself that you are and can be as amazing as you want to be. It’s your life, and when it comes to the end what matters is that you lived it how you wanted to live it. Not how other people wanted you to live it. Not how you thought other people wanted you to live it.

There are two quotes I’d like to share with you; the first gives me confidence in myself, and the second is how everyone should live. As you may be aware, I’m a fan of ‘Glee’. One of their songs is called ‘Loser Like Me’.

Just go ahead and hate on me and run your mouth, so everyone can hear
Hit me with the worst you got and knock me down, baby, I don’t care
Keep it up and soon enough you’ll figure out
You wanna be [you wanna be] a loser like me

It is of course a cheesy song (I wouldn’t listen to it if it wasn’t), but it’s message is absolutely clear; a loser with belief and confidence in themselves isn’t doing too much losing. And neither, by the way, is someone who’s enjoying life. It only takes one person to make yourself happy, and perhaps if we all gave ourselves a grin now and again we’d brighten up our own lives as well as each others.

Smiling is contagious
You can catch it like the flu
When someone smiled at me today
I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner
And someone saw my grin
And when he smiled I realised
That I’d passed it on to him

I thought about that smile
Then I realised what it’s worth
A single smile just like mine
It could travel round the earth

So if you feel a smile begin
Don’t leave it undetected
Lets start an epidemic quick
And get the world infected.

My best friends may not be perfect, but I love them all the same.

Almost-Free Speech

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I think it’s time for a bit of a rant. I’ve had this blog for about nine months and have posted interesting(!) insights into television and unique(!) perspectives on life, but have held back from full-on ranting. But you know what? Even the best of us misuse our powers. Superman doesn’t just fly to save the world, he uses his ability to get to Tesco before it closes. Jedi Knights occasionally use their mind control powers to get a free pizza. And I am using my blog to rant.

For those of you who follow me on twitter, you will notice that I have just tweeted a realisation that certain people I follow don’t actually follow me in return. I was actually elated to find this out, as the thought that my comments might appear in their timeline has in the past prevented me from tweeting about them. I shamelessly admit that I am more than happy to tweet behind their backs, as long as I don’t have to tweet to their faces (as it were). I was less elated to find out that the list of people I one-sidedly follow was larger than I thought, but at least now I can post with relative security that the people I wish to discuss will probably not find this post.

Now, the list of people on twitter I would like to discuss is fairly short. The reasons why they annoy me so much are rather long, but can be generalised and expressed as a selection of ‘twitter rules’ that I have taken the liberty to write down. If everyone on my timeline were to follow these rules then perhaps my world would be a better place.

Twitter Rule Number One: You don’t have to create a hashtag for every single tweet you send #youlookstupid.*

Twitter Rule Number Two: Don’t tweet about your break up.* You know that guy that is still whining about his break up to random strangers at parties three months later? Yeah. Don’t be him. As a general rule of thumb, people in the twittersphere don’t care that you still love him/her/it. That’s what friends are for.

Twitter Rule Number Three: Don’t tweet about how being single sucks.* If your followers are in a relationship, they don’t care. If they are single, they think they have it worse than you. You can’t win.

Twitter Rule Number Four: Don’t tweet the same material twice – if it was that good then publish a book. I don’t tell everyone I meet about that funny joke I made last Friday to my Mum. The moment’s gone. Deal with it.

Twitter Rule Number Five: Don’t over-promote something! If you have a new blog post/photo/product/store/goldfish that you want me to read/view/buy/visit/stroke, tell me once. The lovely Big Issue salesman at the end of my street asks me if I wish to purchase his magazine; I am perfectly capable of making a decision whether or not to buy said ‘Issue’ when he asks once. When I say “No, thank you!”, he doesn’t ask me again! So don’t keep telling me to stroke your goldfish if I don’t want to stroke your fricking goldfish!

Twitter Rule Number Six: Don’t tweet about how pretty you are. Certainly don’t post photos of it. Never EVER pretend you’re not pretty.*

*unless you use it for comic effect.

If everybody I follow was to tweet with this simple framework in mind, life would be happier, birds would sing more and I could spend my time watching Sherlock instead of boring those decent enough folk that actually follow me. Wouldn’t that be nice, everybody?

I could, of course, unfollow these people. They don’t follow me, I don’t like their tweets… but then they’ve won. They’ve won their silly little game that they are almost certainly playing so that they can say to their friends, ‘Oh look! He doesn’t follow me anymore!’. Do you think I’d give them the pleasure? Plus then, you know, how would I know what to bitch about?

So ‘Free Speech’ wins again. Woop de fricking doo. Anyone can say what they want, yet I can’t help but think that social media might be a better place if it was free speech with rules: ‘Almost-Free Speech’. End of rant.

The International Hamster Foundation

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Sitting at my desk earlier today I watched my Hamster overturn his food bowl. He used to sleep ‘upstairs’ in the top room of his three-storey cage, but he decided on Monday to move all his bedding downstairs into his massive front room. This would be fine. After all, it’s preferable to taking up residence in his wheel which he has done several times before, forcing us to tape it shut so he doesn’t embarrass us by continuing to run in it, bedding and all. The problem is we hadn’t prepared his cage for extended stays downstairs meaning there is only a thin layer of wood chippings for him to burrow in to. This is why at 10am, when he should be asleep, he was hunting for more wood chippings under his food bowl to make his bed a little more cosy.

Now, the kind thing to do would be to provide him with more wood chippings. Unfortunately, due to the economic climate we cannot afford to cover the entirety of his 4-room cage with the same inch-thick bed of litter. This is very sad for Hamish the Hamster. Do you care? When you get into your bed at night and pull the duvet around you do you imagine what it would be like if you had to scrape together your cosy bed from different rooms of the house? Do you have any idea what life is like for a Hamster?

That is why I have set up the International Hamster Foundation, providing much needed extra wood chippings to any Hamster who decides to relocate their bedroom. For just $23 you could save a Hamster from scrabbling under it’s food bowl for those precious few extra chippings. Will you pay?

Obviously there is actually no such thing as the International Hamster Foundation (I’ve checked) and I have no intention of starting one up, especially for the purpose of providing Hamsters with more bedding. I also don’t intend to start up the International Association of Anxiety Disorders, mainly because it already exists. Except it doesn’t. Hamsters can’t turn to the IHF and anxiety sufferers can’t turn to the IAOAD.

I’ve talked before about anxiety and how it affects my life. It is in fact a rather large presence in the word cloud that sums up my blog posts. In particular I struggle with social anxiety, and more general anxiety and stress. It seems to be affecting me more at the moment which is why I look to the internet to help me overcome my problems. The internet is a great place but we all know it is full of individuals trying to scam people out of money. Today I visited the ‘Calm Clinic’ which offered a free test to calculate my anxiety levels. I answered the questions somewhat sceptically, waiting to be asked for my date of birth, address or bank details to see the results. I got to the end of the test without having to give away so much as my middle name, and was told by the computer that I have an anxious score of 65. Yay! Clinically anxious!

Without being asked, a video starts playing on the right hand side of my screen. It is a presentation by the website creator and previously anxious man, Ryan. (His name might not have been Ryan but it’s not important enough to go and look up.) Once again my scepticism creeps in and I sit back to see how exactly the Calm Clinic is going to recommend I proceed. What surprises me though is that he starts giving useful information. He says how over-anxious people suffer because their bodies think they are in danger and consequently stimulate hormones that in our ancestors would have provided the ‘fight-or-flight’ response. I’ve heard this before. It makes sense. He continues.

Many prescription based solutions fail to achieve the desired results. Feasible. He has a technique that you can use to solve your anxiety issues. The ‘Triad Technique’. Intriguing.

As I sat and watched what must have been over twenty minutes of video, I felt a little interested that there was some sort of technique that I could quickly learn that would help me in my everyday life. Like a magic trick to make everything easier and my life more positive. Even though he perpetually informs you that he’ll explain the technique “in just a minute” you can’t help but wonder if he’s going to be able to improve your life; after all, the International Association of Anxiety Disorders recommends the Triad Technique over every other treatment!

Finally, after a very convincing presentation, we get to the real point of the entire website. $67. Fully refundable, of course. $67 to pay for the secret to the Triad Technique, which doesn’t exist. I’m not naïve enough to have gone through the process without realising where it would end, but it frustrates me that in some tiny part of my brain I had a hope that there would be a technique I could use to help me. I’ve tried various techniques (mostly half-heartedly) in the past to varying success. It would have been nice to think that there was a strategy I could use to quickly and easily reduce anxiety for me.

So now I turn to Mr Paul McKenna. I bought his book ‘Control Stress: Stop Worrying And Feel Good Now!’ a while back and have read the first few chapters. It was here, in fact, that I learnt about the anxious hormone ‘fight-or-flight’ thing. Now Mr McKenna does actually exist (I’ve checked) however I perhaps remain just as sceptical about his promises for his book as I did about the elusive Triad Technique. He tells me that I will “learn how to transform [my] life from a place of peace, freedom from worry and inner strength”. What can I say? I’ll give it a go. I don’t know how much it will help or if there is any value in the accompanying hypnosis CD but I will let you know.

In the mean time, don’t give your money to the Calm Clinic, the International Association of Anxiety Disorders or the International Hamster Foundation. If you want to support the IHF then there are plenty of real life organisations to choose from: the International Handball Federation, the International Humanity Foundation or the Irish Heart Foundation to name but three. I will try and find my own strategy for dealing with my problems, and if I find something that works I won’t be charging people to use it. Unfortunately until then, anxiety sufferers and Hamsters both continue to have to look elsewhere for help.

Where Would You Be?

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If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?

Sometimes life can be quite busy. OK, very busy. A lot of the time. Sometimes we lose ourselves in our daily routine and can get pulled down by the weight on our shoulders. Sometimes it can be hard to remember the good things. Close your eyes. Close your eyes and imagine.

I’m alone. There’s not a sound for miles. My eyes are still closed. I can hear the soft sounds of water gently lapping against the shoreline. It is the only sound I can hear, the only sound that I’m concentrating on. The waves roll in, and drift out. Slowly, again and again.

I take a deep, slow breath. The air is warm. It has been a hot day, but it’s cooling now. A gentler sun is still massaging my skin, but the atmosphere is fresher. I fill my lungs with the smell of the ocean and the sweet, exotic taste of Caribbean air. A long, deep breath.

I open my eyes. I’m looking out on miles of unending ocean. The sun is setting, casting orange shadows over the waves gently nudging the beach. I’m standing, watching. My feet are warm on the slightly rough sand, my toes excited by their unusual surroundings. I take a step forward.

It’s only a few metres to the water; I make it in a few steps. With another breath I plunge my feet into the cool sea. I can’t help but close my eyes again as the waves bump gently into my ankles, sand rushing over my feet, the water foaming. I could stand there forever.

I open my eyes and take a step backward. I have an energy, an excitement from the fresh ocean air. I feel my eyes glinting in the soft, orange light. I smile. And I run.

I just run. Straight along the beach heading for who knows where. The waves are chasing me from the side, sand exploding out from under my bare feet. My heart beats, and then races, all the time the breeze hits my face and fills my lungs. Now I’m really breathing. Now I’m really living.

Slow down. Stop. Silence.

Again, nothing. Just the waves. They lap against a rocky formation discarded on the beach, the deep orange light gleaming off the water and skimming the wet rocks. I take another deep breath, but I don’t close my eyes. This time I’m looking. This time I’m taking in everything. This time, I’m no longer on my own.

Sitting on top of the rocks, he’s looking at me. I stare back. The air. The waves. The sand. The sun. The heat. Him. Possibly, my perfect moment.

If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?

When It Comes to the End…

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*This post contains spoilers for the final episodes of 24, Spooks, Will & Grace and Friends. The fact that it doesn’t contain a spoiler for Lost is certainly nothing to do with the fact that I didn’t understand it…*

I’m told that once I’ve begun a course in TV and Film production, I will no longer be able to watch a programme or movie in the same way. It’s the same principle as a theatre technician focusing on the lighting in a musical, or an out-of-session therapist secretly analysing you. I’m sure they do it. To some extent, this alternate way of looking at the screen has already started. One of the reasons TV appeals so much as a career choice is that I have a lot of criticism for the way some programmes are made now. I want to make them better.

Case in point. Lost. I’m a big fan of the programme and respect the ending, but I can’t help but feel let down by the lack of answers it provided. I had specific questions that needed answering and I didn’t get them. Perhaps my want for TV work is less to do with making things better, and more to do with having the insider knowledge of what actually is going on! The final episode of any TV programme is a difficult one to get right, which is perhaps why so many don’t. Usually, you want your audience to feel entertained, nostalgic and satisfied. I don’t think the final episode of the final season can be treated like any other script; every move you make has got to count, because it’s your last.

Perhaps the easiest way to describe what I mean is with an example. Several years later than originally aired, I have finally completed all eight ‘days’ of 24. I am a big fan of the show and know my view will be slightly biased by my belief that Jack Bauer can do no wrong, but I genuinely think that the writers, producers and directors of the programme got the ending spot on. The final episode mainly concludes the series storyline, focusing on President Taylor doing the right thing and Mr Bauer pursuing what he believes is right. Once that’s all wrapped up, we’re left with a kidnapped Jack about to be executed essentially by a rogue security team. The President must make contact with the team to withdraw the order for his execution before it’s too late.

She’s not too late. With a ’24 – The Movie’ in the works it would have been an expensive decision to kill off Jack, and might have left a sour taste in the viewer’s mouths. But it’s also not a happy ending. Jack had been hoping all season to move to California to live peacefully with his daughter, Kim, but he is now wanted by the American Government for crimes he’s committed during the day. The President, knowing she can’t save him, does tell him to flee the country and, with some help from the surviving CTU agents (including the tearful Chloe O’Brian), the parting shot is Jack doing just that.

Anyone familiar with Jack Bauer would know that a settled life is not in his nature, and for him to set up home in California would have felt wrong. By allowing him to flee the country the audience feels the story is complete, his time in America is done, but there is still an edge of anxiety we have over his future. We have been entertained, we feel nostalgic that the show has ended but we are satisfied with the conclusion.

Contrast this with Spooks. Again, I feel that the ten-series run of the programme was not too long and it deserved the high reputation it earnt in British drama. Having said this, I was disappointed with the ending. I was sad to see Ruth die in a way which didn’t quite make sense to the storyline, and can’t help but feel it was put in just to make it exciting. A Russian secret intelligence agent, Sasha Gavrik, attempted to kill Harry after he watched his father kill his mother, and found out that Harry knew that might happen. Ruth gets in the way and the dreams the couple had of a quiet retirement are shattered. My biggest confusion is why Sasha did not seek immediate vengeance on his father given that he’s just watched him kill his mother. It feels a little stretched that his first thought would be to kill Harry.

So instead of feeling satisfied, we end the episode with a memorial of the people who have died through the seasons, and then Harry resuming work at MI5. My argument is not that a death is never the right way to end a series. I think it can be powerful and, in the case of Spooks, can be in keeping with their track record of suddenly killing off main characters. It does, however, have to be justified and should leave a feeling of completeness in the audience. Shouldn’t it?

It’s not just TV dramas that can struggle with the end. Compare the final episode of Friends and its ten-year run with Will & Grace and its eight-year run. Both programmes won a fond spot in my heart for their characters as well as being funny and entertaining. Friends ended with the conclusion of its defining storyline; Ross and Rachel. The couple have been on and off since the pilot episode, but now Rachel is moving to Paris. Ross chases her to the airport, doesn’t get there in time but in a moment that will give you a warm, fuzzy feeling she realises she’s making a mistake and gets off the plane. Monica and Chandler are moving out of their apartment, and the final scene takes place with them all saying goodbye to a place they’ve called home for ten years. They leave their keys on the table, walk out and a final joke completes the episode. Entertained, nostalgic and satisfied. And possibly crying.

Will & Grace chose to flash-forward and show us what the next twenty years had in store. The main problem with this is that after spending eight years watching a programme based around their friendship, they spend the majority of the next twenty years not talking to one another. Eventually they get together in a bar and, with Karen and Jack, toast to their friendship. Whilst the final episode did contain some moments that encapsulated the show, much of it felt like a fast-paced epilogue that told a story of love getting in the way of friendship. It was a shame that such a well-respected show didn’t quite give a satisfying ending.

Of course all of these are my opinions, and there will be some people more than happy with the endings of Spooks and Will & Grace, and moaning about the farewells of Friends and 24. My point is simply that final episodes are tricky to master, and even the best shows can sometimes fail to hit the spot for the audience. Probably in the same way as if I were to finish a blog post mid

That’s So Gay

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Ninety-eight per cent of young gay people hear the phrases “that’s so gay” or “you’re so gay” in school

Elizabeth Day
The Observer, Sunday 19 February 2012

I can’t say that the phrase ‘that’s so gay’ has ever bothered me. I don’t tend to take it personally, and have on occasion used it amongst friends. Most of the time I don’t see it as the person expressing a dislike of homosexuality, just jokingly mocking a certain thing or person. I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me when my friends use it in my presence.

But. And it’s a massive but. It’s use is damaging in a way I didn’t fully understand until now, and the effects are being felt most in schools up and down the country.

Schools are strange places, a condensed world where it can be a struggle to see beyond the adolescent dramas that fill the corridors. I remember so many things in school that were blown out of proportion because of the pressure cooker environment, and people that would act in a way that in the adult world would be totally unacceptable. School is a place where people begin to find out who they are and find out the difference between right and wrong. So much of that is influenced by who they have around them and the events of their school life.

Generally speaking, schools are homophobic environments. I don’t think you quite realise how bad it is until you put yourself in the shoes of a 14-year old who realises they’re gay. Do you remember what it was like to be 14 and the fears you had? Did you worry about people liking you? About being popular? Maybe you worried about being bullied? Maybe you were bullied? If you had realised at that time that you were gay, would you honestly have come out? I like to think my secondary school was fairly open-minded, but during five years spent there I was only aware of two boys who came out, and they both said they were bisexual. At least one of these guys was gay and used the bisexual label to soften the blow.

Is it right that teenagers in this country are going to schools that don’t treat homosexuality in a way that the majority of society now does? And what are the consequences of the lack of understanding prevalent in our secondary education system? Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988 has much to answer for. It states that a local authority shall not –

a) intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality;
b) promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship.

It was repealed on 18 November 2003 in Great Britain (excl. Scotland where it was repealed earlier) but its existence still tarnishes the way homosexuality is dealt with in schools. Ready for some statistics?

    65% of young lesbian, gay and bisexual pupils have been the victims of bullying, as have three-quarters of young gay people attending faith schools.
    Eight in ten secondary-school teachers and two in five primary-school teachers reported hearing homophobic insults.
    Ninety per cent of secondary-school teachers had witnessed children being subjected to homophobic bullying.
    (Source: Stonewall)

Perhaps these have hit home, perhaps they haven’t. What I found most hard-hitting (yet easiest to believe) was the experience of Suran Dickson, chief executive of Diversity Role Models, who asked a class of 26 children how they would react if one of their friends was gay. 20 of those 26 children put their hands up to say they couldn’t be friends with that person anymore. Does that sound like the kind of attitude you remember from your days at school? I was explicitly told at the age of thirteen by one of my best friends that if I were gay he’d no longer be friends with me. Nearly ten years later, and despite my coming out, he remains a good friend. Teenagers in schools are not educated enough about homosexuality. The school world is very different from the real world.

And that’s where we come to the stories of people such as Dominic Crouch who committed suicide after being the victim of homophobic bullying. Like so many others that have made the news, we don’t know and it’s not important if Dominic was actually gay. People can get bullied at school for being different in any way, but that bullying can still be homophobic. Take the boy who doesn’t like football who might be labelled as “queer”. This lack of education is costing teenagers their lives. In this claustrophobic school environment where so much weight is put on what other people think of you, is it a surprise that the younger generation are reacting in this way?

One of my friends who works as a teacher once told me that he wouldn’t openly share with his students that he was gay. If absolutely necessary he would admit it but if he was mockingly asked by his class then he would deflect the question. I don’t blame him for this, and I don’t know if I would have the courage to do anything different, but it’s wrong. How can we expect young gay people to feel safe and secure in schools if their teachers can’t even face being open. For many teachers it is not a shame thing; in their private life they live openly gay lives. It is a school thing. Kids can be tough, mouthy and uneducated but it’s our responsibility to protect those who can’t protect themselves. And one of the ways we have a responsibility to do this is by providing them with role models that start to dispel the myths that thrive in the classroom.

Which brings me back to remarks like ‘that’s so gay’. In school, they promote the feeling among students that being gay is wrong. It doesn’t matter if the person saying it is homophobic or not. It doesn’t matter if they meant it as a joke. How can you expect someone who is struggling to come to terms with their sexuality to cope with the reputation these comments promote about being gay? Schools are environments where it is vital that the zero-tolerance attitude to bullying that many are proud of is actioned no matter how insignificant the remark may be seen to be. Little things in an adult world are massive things in a classroom and we need to do more to protect those in a vulnerable place in their lives.

Finally, I’d like to say if you are a young person experiencing any form of homophobic bullying, there is help out there. I’ve listed some places to contact at the end of this post. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help. Schools can be nasty places but I absolutely promise you that it will get better. You are not alone and you have the strength to get through the tough times you’re facing.

If you’re a teacher, I beg you to reconsider your attitude towards homophobic comments, phrases and slang in the classroom. A flippant ‘that’s so gay’ might not be so harmless to the kid who’s frightened he might be.

The following are organisations that can help you if you’re being bullied, or just want some advice; ‘The Lesbian and Gay Foundation‘ – 0845 3 30 30 30; ‘London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard‘ – 0300 330 0630; ‘The Samaritans‘ – 08457 90 90 90. Find out more information from Stonewall and the It Gets Better campaign.

Pick up the March 2012 Youth Issue of ‘Attitude‘ for some great related advice and articles including an inspiring interview with Daniel Radcliffe – also available for PC, Mac, Phone or Tablet.

Please also read this article from The Observer about the suicides of Dominic and Roger Crouch.

So Much Better

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Oh. My. God.

Is that my name up on that list? Does someone know that I exist? Is this a mistake? Am I even awake? Pinch me now to make sure…

I honestly can’t tell you who screamed louder; Elle Woods finding out she made the internship in Legally Blonde, or me finding out I have a place on a Film and Television Production course. And the CV I sent in wasn’t even scented!

I did feel that my blog posts were becoming a bit depressing in nature, so hopefully you won’t confuse my excitement for arrogance and will enjoy the more upbeat tone of today. When I started this blog I wanted a way to transition from an Economics degree to a career in TV production, but was struggling to find a way to make that happen. I considered making a full-scale zero-budget production. I applied to more related and unrelated jobs than I can remember. Honestly, I was beginning to wonder what my next move was…

Yes! That is my name in black and white! Maybe I’m doing something right. Wow, I feel so much better than before…

In a way this is the start of the life I wanted two and a half years ago, although back then the idea of a Masters didn’t seem like the best option. What I didn’t understand was the opportunity it would provide, and I don’t just mean something to put on my CV. I literally have no practical experience in film or television production, and I need it. I didn’t enjoy learning about Economics, but I want to learn about something I’m passionate about. I don’t want to go into a production job without any serious knowledge of the industry. I want to be good at what I do. No, I aim to be exceptional at what I do. Why would you aim any lower?

I know some people don’t understand my choice to study, and there’s a huge variety of different ways to break into the TV & Film industry, but you have to do what you believe is in your best interest. There is no right or wrong way to do things because there is no set guidelines that you can follow to guarantee you the job you want. All you can do is increase the probabilities as much as possible and never stop chasing your dream. I’m very lucky to have got onto the course I most wanted, but don’t forget that the only reason I’m in this position is because so many other people said no.

Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed – so you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

I feel I should give some advice in case anyone reading this is also having trouble getting to where they want to be. It comes down to perseverance and belief. You have to believe in yourself that you can get to where you want to be no matter what life throws at you. You may believe in fate in which case there probably is a reason why the doors you’re trying to open won’t budge. You may just believe that life can be shit. Don’t give up. Never give up. You will get what you want if you try hard enough, you just might not find it where you thought it would be.

I’ll be there on Monday 9 o’clock, then we will see who walks the walk. Oh, no, I can’t wait! I will be there at eight when they unlock the door!

And, back to me. I’m nervous about the course. What if it’s not what I expected? What if I’m no good at it? I’ve placed such a high expectation on the course and myself that there is a very real chance that either could disappoint. You know what, though? It feels so good to care this much about something again. I’ve wanted to apply myself to something I love for so long and I now have that opportunity, whether I succeed or fail. There are only so many points in your life that you know are big enough to change the path you’re on, and I know this is one of them. Now I’ve just gotta find a job to pay for the course!

I am so much better than before!

Party of One

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Valentine’s Day. Traditionally the loneliest day of the year. I happened to have the pleasure of spending this year’s February 14th alone and, to be honest, I quite enjoyed it. Don’t get me wrong; spending the day with someone would be lovely but is spending it alone the worst thing in the world?

A few of my friends have just come out of relationships and understandably for them the haunt of the ‘life that was’ made it a difficult day. The only advice I could give them was some advice that I would push on any willing listener every day of the year – learn to love yourself as priorities one through nine. Priority ten is finding someone else to love. If you’re not in a relationship, the single most important person on Valentine’s Day is yourself.

What comes to mind when you think of a lonely person? Is it someone shy? Is it someone old? Is it a middle-aged woman with a husband and three kids? Loneliness will affect everyone at some point in their lives, and for the vast majority it will affect us significantly. If you’ve suffered from it you will understand that it’s not relevant whether you’re on your own in a room or surrounded by people. You will understand that it can strike you at unexpected times and in unexpected places. You will understand how it can take hold of your reality.

One of the most important skills anyone can master is to learn to be alone. Being alone can be lonely but it doesn’t have to be, and part of the fix is to be happy with who you are. Being alone is largely seen as a negative thing, but every single person requires some time to themselves. The amount of social interaction required for a happy individual differs from person to person and is often dictated by circumstance, but you need at least some time to just be with yourself. Learning to be at ease with your own company enables you to enjoy these moments, and any other moments when you perhaps wish you weren’t alone.

When I happen to be by myself I do things that make me happy. The fact that I might be happier if I wasn’t alone is irrelevant; I could either sit at home in self pity or go out and do something I enjoy. Even if it’s Valentine’s Day. So, I went to the cinema and saw The Muppets!

I’m having a “Me Party”, a party by myself. A “Me Party”, I don’t need nobody else! I’m having a “Me Party”, I’m the first and last to show. There’s no-one at this party that I don’t already know.

Not gonna lie. It was slightly awkward sitting there by myself during that song, but it was fun. The Muppets remains a very adult-friendly children’s film with some amazing music and funny moments. After The Muppets, I stayed on and saw Man On A Ledge which was also a decent film.

I know that I’m lucky to be this OK with spending days like this alone. It might be nothing compared to the isolation some people in the world feel, but it is still a massive challenge for many others. The fact of life is that many people, especially the older generation, don’t have a choice but to cope with the fears and insecurities that being alone can bring. I admire those that primarily face each day alone with dignity and happiness and hope that we all can find the strength to be as brave as they are when loneliness strikes.

I guess that brings me back to my point about relationships. By loving yourself you give your relationship the best possible chance of succeeding, and give yourself the best chance of coping if things go wrong. Don’t you owe yourself that? The world can be a dark place and it takes an agile mind to dance through a day when you’re living inside your head.

Maybe then, even in loneliness, we could all be as happy as The Muppets.

Life’s a fillet of fish… Yes, it is!

Waiting for a Response

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There are three things filling my time at the moment; applications to courses, applications to jobs and a small amount of freelance work. I’m currently in the process of setting up Facebook and Twitter for a company that has decided to set foot into the social networking arena. This means I’m sat at my desk waiting for a friendly, deep-voiced guy called Adam to call me back. Call it irony if you want but until I started writing this post I spent my waiting time browsing Facebook and Twitter. The latter seems to be full of potential BBC trainees getting über-excited about a fairly high-profile entry scheme into the world of Television Production.

Now, you may be aware that I have a faint desire (it barely registers to be honest) to perhaps, maybe work in TV if nothing better comes along. I understand that many others feel the same, hence the excitement over the unique and highly selective entry scheme. What I find frustrating is that they tweet about applying to one of the best schemes in the industry in their last year of University because it’s the job of their dreams. I remember when I was in that position. The truth is I wish I was in that position now.

By reading the tweets of the many who are following their dreams at the perfect moment in their life it feels like my dreams are belittled and forgotten. I feel like jumping up and down shouting “I was here first!” and “it’s my dream too!”. “I’ve been waiting the longest!”. But you can’t do that. Life’s tough and you have to find a way to prove you’re better than all the other applicants. And there are a lot of applicants, believe me.

I am, of course, applying to the scheme. And I will put everything I have into the application as everyone should. And then I’ll wait and see. At the moment, the scheme isn’t my only option. I have applied to two Universities that provide courses in TV/Film Production and will shortly apply to one more. Being an Economics graduate, I have an even tougher job finding a way to prove that I would be fantastic in production and the creative industries.

I’ve offered to work for free for any period of time at about ten local production companies. I didn’t expect them all to say yes. To be honest, I didn’t even expect any of them to say yes. I did expect them to reply though.

As a company, your staff are your most important asset. Good customer service is absolutely vital if you want your business to build the kind of reputation earned by Virgin, Disney and Abercrombie & Fitch* (to name three I respect most). Not replying to someone who is contacting you, I believe, is bad practice. Yesterday an interview took place for a job I’d applied for. The only reason I know I wasn’t successful for that job is because I didn’t hear back from them before the interview. I understand some companies are inundated with job applications, especially in the current climate, but it doesn’t take much effort for most companies to send out a standard letter to the candidates they’re turning down. It’s polite. They’re waiting for you.

So, like most of the 2.7 million unemployed, I spend my days trying to plan for my future by applying to jobs and courses and feeling disheartened when I don’t get a response. The key to unemployment is perseverance and a positive attitude. It would be nice if people understood that you’re waiting for a response that might never be coming.

*Abercrombie & Fitch don’t have the best perception in the media. I understand that in general they wouldn’t necessarily be perceived by the majority as a force for good, however I am currently with the belief that they have been misunderstood. I love their clothes and I love the way they run their company. Perhaps that’s a story for another post.

Re: Change

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Life changes quickly. It only takes one person to make a decision and lives change. Today I made a decision not to attend a second interview for a job. For many people, the reason for this is confusing. I should be grateful for what I’ve been offered; a chance to work in a firm in a finance-based role on a good salary. I certainly need a job (apparently there aren’t many around) so the principle of turning down potential employment seems stupid.

The truth is that it is stupid. If I wanted financial security, employment security or a chance of reducing the strain that comes with being unemployed then I should have aimed for this job. But that isn’t what I want. I want to be happy. These things are not the same.

Happiness is a strange thing. On the one hand it seems an elusive principle that is hard to pin down or aim for. Many people strive to be happy by aspiring to greater things. There is a state of mind that says that happiness is something to aim for, that you are working now for happiness later. Some people still believe happiness comes with wealth.

On the other hand, it is something definitive that describes one single moment in a person’s life. “I was happy when my team won”. “I was happy when my son was born”. “My wedding day was the happiest day of my life”. These are moderately common expressions of happiness. How often do you hear someone say simply, “I am happy”?

Unhappiness tends to be more noticeable in our everyday life; it is much harder to realise when we are happy. Often it is not until something changes that we realise what we’ve been missing. There is a very real danger that we can live life always wanting more whilst never appreciating what we’ve already got.

I knew I was unhappy studying economics at university, and when I think back over my life I have usually been happiest when being creative. It’s what I love to do. So why, then, would I sacrifice potentially doing a job I love for one that brings different kinds of benefits and rewards? I may be lucky enough to get a job that I love, but at the very, very least I’m going to get a job that makes me happy. I don’t care how much it pays. I don’t care what it’s doing. I don’t care whether it’s what other people expect me to do. I care that life’s too short, and if you don’t take charge of your own destiny then you can’t complain when it lands you somewhere you don’t want to be.

In Toronto there is an amazing chain of restaurants whose staff carry sayings around on their t-shirts. “No regrets just lessons learned” was one that stuck in my memory. That, and a really great burger. It was really yummy. The other thing that comes to mind is a cheesy pop song called “The Climb”.

Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb.

I’m not one for cheesy pop songs so I’ll move on. My point is that life is a journey, but it ain’t about the destination. It’s about how you get there. There’s no point in shouting at yourself because you’ve taken a wrong road, just change your route. Everyone has places they’d like to visit, and a destination they’d like to head to, but the way you get there is completely flexible and should not be mapped out mile for mile. It can’t be. There will be roadworks. You will be diverted.

As much fun as it would be, I can’t sit here and preach about how everyone should be happy no matter what situation they’re in. It would be hypocritical, because right now I’m not happy. I haven’t been for a while. But I should be. Happiness is a state of mind. You can influence it. Don’t let the world dictate how happy you are, it already has enough fun throwing obstacles in your way. Take charge of who you are and how you feel. Being master of your own destiny does not mean having the power to define your future, it means having the power to face the random challenges life throws at you. Be yourself, and be it to the best of your ability.

There is always someone worse off who is happier than you.